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Happy Tuesday, everyone. What a mildly attractive group. So, he thought his doctor was a jerk until his heart no longer worked. Comedian and actor Bob Odenkirk has been kicking around show business for over 30 years. He started as a writer on SNL. He was really funny on the underrated “Ben Stiller Show.” He co-created the brilliant sketch comedy “Mr. Show,” and now most people know him as the seedy attorney Saul Goodman on “Better Call Saul.” Good thing there’s no lawyer that sleazy in real life, am I right? He also does a lot of charity work for the underprivileged.

I knew the audience would not know who David Cross is, but I left it in there anyway because I don’t care. A few years ago, Odenkirk had a heart attack and almost died while filming the final season of his series. True, “Better Call Saul” became ‘Better Call 911.’ It’s a fate I wouldn’t wish on any actor unless they try to bring back, “According to Jim.” Odenkirk survived, thank goodness. And recently he went on a podcast and looked back on his heart attack, saying this near-death experience could have been prevented if he had only listened to his doctor. So why didn’t he listen?

LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA – FEBRUARY 05: Bob Odenkirk attends the premiere of AMC’s “Better Call Saul” Season 5 on February 05, 2020 in Los Angeles, California. (Photo by Jesse Grant/Getty Images for AMC)

BOB ODENKIRK: My doctor was a conservative. He got crankier and crankier the older he got. I f**** hated this side of him that I only learned over time. He said, ‘You need to start taking statins right now.’ And I said, Well, I don’t know. I don’t have heart disease in my family. He goes, Just take them. And I had a heart attack. And I think the first doctor was right. The cranky conservative jacka*** was right because he was a god**** good doctor. His political point of view doesn’t have anything to do with his ability to judge your health and your health choices and needs.


Well, that’s well said. That’s why I never questioned my liberal doctor when he gives me a mammogram. So, it appears Bob’s an honest guy. Kudos to him. He didn’t need to say this in public, but he wanted everybody to know the tough lesson he learned. I’m sure all his showbiz friends deserted him like he was Jerry Nadler at a nudist colony. I know. Think about that. But America needs more of that these days. Well, that and handsome, brilliant people like me to point it out. We need to start seeing each other as human beings again. Not just pawns of two opposing political parties. Our lives are more important than some dumb agenda. And someone should tell that to those hairy heifers at “The View.” We’re people, not talking points. Except Kat, she’s more of a warning label. But what if Odenkirk had a doctor with a much different worldview? Like, I don’t know. Maybe this. 

dr rachel levine

Rachel Levine “Summer of Pride” (Screenshot: HHS/Instagram)

The upside? She can check your prostate without her hands. I know, but imagine if he had a far left doctor who had told him not to do anything to prevent heart disease because, you know, there are too many humans on the planet already because he’s an old White guy who doesn’t have the common decency to identify as an old White woman. Because politics will indeed matter if, say, you have a woke doctor who’s only concerned with equity, someone who lets you die untreated to raise the rates of cancer among your group identity to match those of another, “marginalized group.” That’s the logic. Sorry, you’re going to die, Bill, but enjoy your last few months knowing you contributed to an equitable society. Here’s an envelope for BLM. When you make out your will. You can imagine how bad things would get if all those jobs you rely on to make your life better were filled with woke knuckleheads. 


The woke mechanic would say, instead of an oil change, I converted your car to solar power. It only works when it’s sunny out. That’ll be 80 grand. Or how about a woke police officer? Can I see some ID? We had reports there are people over the age of 18 at this drag show. Or how about the woke teacher? Wait. Those are everywhere. And how is that working out? Our students are f*****. It’s as if education is replacing knowledge with grievance and team locker rooms with ‘I’ll show you mine if you show me yours.’ Now, let’s look at it from the opposite perspective. How many wokesters have refused good advice because the experts had the wrong politics?

Sure, I could have changed my oil when that check engine light came on four months ago if I supported poisoning Mother Earth with fossil fuels. Also, can you give me a ride home? You know, Doc, I’m against the use of all petroleum products, including plastics. So you’ll need to do that prostate exam on me wearing a renewable wool glove. Wasting all that water just because my home’s on fire now, I’m really glad I glued myself to that fire hydrant. Sure I could describe the man who beat and robbed me, but you’d probably run straight to the cops. Let’s just say he’s a really dark-skinned White male. If all this sounds crazy, consider that we now have doctors in America cutting off little boys’ genitals because they play with Barbies and somebody told them they’re actually girls. Thank God these doctors weren’t around when I was a kid. I went trick or treating as a kid dressed like Dorothy Hamill three years in a row. I got 27 Snickers bars and three gold medals. Doctors are capable of being as blinkered and unethical as anybody else. Plus, they can’t dance.


For years now we’ve heard the refrain “That’s between me and my doctor.” I’ve said it many times myself when I’m asked what I’m doing at the gynecologist. But even medicine is getting weird. The American Medical Association is pushing something awful called health equity to fight narratives grounded in White supremacy, evil narratives that favor meritocracy and individualism, meaning they prefer to treat you as one person belonging to a group that oppresses rather than a person with chest pain. But maybe you deserve to be sick. That mole is malignant, but so are you. 


So why would you allow your medical decisions to be swayed by any outside consideration? You’d never say “That’s between me, my doctor, and the Department of Motor Vehicles.” Or would you? if you’d rather have a heart attack, than listen to a Republican maybe the problem isn’t the Republicans. Sure, you went completely blind now, but at least you didn’t let Dr. Rand Paul, an ophthalmologist, tell you what to do. The moral of the story– listen to the person who’s telling you a hard truth, even if you don’t like them. And if you insist on being woke all the time, take it up with your anesthesiologist.

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